Burnt Lumpia: Filipino Food | Filipino Recipes | Culinary Hijinks

Spicy Filipino Vinegar

Old empty jars are a hot commodity in my mother's kitchen. Mayonnaise jars, pickle jars, spaghetti sauce jars, peanut butter jars, jelly jars, jar jars... if it's glass and has a screw-top lid and is almost empty, chances are that my mother will soon rinse out any remnants and set the jar aside for another use.

For instance, the ol' lass has been known to pour cooled bacon grease straight from skillet to mayo jar (though she also sometimes uses an old coffee can for grease containment). My mother has also taken to the practice of pouring some oil and vinegar into a jar, screwing on the lid, and then shaking the bejeebus out of the jar to make a simple vinaigrette (I'm not sure that my mom owns a whisk).

However, perhaps the most common purpose for my mother's repurposed jars is in the containment of Spicy Filipino Vinegar: vinegar that has been infused with Siling Labuyo (Thai chili/Bird's eye peppers). This fiery concoction is also known as Sili Suka, Sukang Sili, Suka't Sili, and/or Sinamak (I didn't know of the Sinamak nomenclature until some readers commented on it in my last post on Filipino Vinegars).

A Shot of Gulaman

Gulaman, to those not in the know, is a Filipino gelatin-like substance made from dried and processed red seaweed. Gulaman may be better known in other parts of the world as Agar-Agar, agar, or carrageenan. Put even more simply, Gulaman can best be described as "Filipino Jello."

Wobbly cubes of Gulaman can usually be found in Filipino sweets, sitting atop tall glasses of Halo-halo, or mixed into cool drinks like Sago at Gulaman (a Filipino dessert kinda-sorta-but-not-really similar to bubble tea and jelly).

Although Gulaman, at first glance, does look a lot like American jello, there are some very key differences. Firstly, Gulaman is 100% vegetarian since it's made from seaweed, whereas gelatin is made from the crushed bones of puppies, kittens, and koala bears (a sad but true fact). Gulaman also sets at room temperature (and can be kept out at room temperature), while gelatin needs to be refrigerated. Lastly, gulaman does not melt in your mouth (or in your hand for that matter) like gelatin does. In fact, once set, gulaman will not melt again until it reaches 185 degrees F. So unless you're a dragon, you'll have to chew on gulaman a bit before swallowing. And if you are a dragon, hey man, that's cool.

In spite of the differences between gulaman and gelatin, gulaman can (and should) be used in many of the same ways as gelatin. For example, gulaman lends itself particularly well to the following gelatin-friendly applications:

• Good ol'-fashioned wrastlin'!
• Office pranks
• Edible alcoholic shots

While I would have loved to experiment with the first two items on that list (especially the wrastlin'!), I only had enough gulaman to try my hand at edible cocktails.

Gin and Juice

I know I've lamented in the past about the poor fruit production of my Kalamansi tree, Kal. But for all intents and purposes, Kal has had a pretty decent and citrusy summer so far by yielding a fairly sizeable crop for me. Albeit that the kalmansi I pick every now and then are still quite small and haven't grown to the size I would like (ideally, they should be about an inch around), they are still bursting with juice. And these small tart-tinged orbs are indeed a step up from my slim pickins of yesteryear that all but died as soon as they reached the size of a grain of rice.

But Kal's meager offerings aren't entirely his fault. He's relegated to a corner of our balcony (our condo has no yard, just a small porch and the aforementioned balcony) where he is kept under close watch by our garden gnome, Reggie.

Kal and Reggie, BFFs

As it is, Kal soaks up about 4 hours of sun a day. I've read that citrus needs at least 8 hours of sun, so I'm sure Kal's smallish limes are directly correlated to his lack of solar energy.

And it has also occurred to me that perhaps I lack the green thumb gene that seems to be so very prevalent in my family. Both of my grandfathers are wonderful gardeners who have grown all sorts of goodies in their respective backyards, I have an uncle who owns and tends a large sprawling farm in the Philippines, and my parents spend weekends in their garden tending to their supply of various halucinogenic fungi  magic poppy fields  cannabis  coca plants  uh, fruits and veggies.

Although I presently lack any gardening prowess in my DNA (I'm hoping it's still too early to tell), I've at least seemed to inherit my father's appreciation for a good buzz via a stiff drink (well, that and an undying, forever-burning internal rage). And while Kal's bounty is always good for a squeeze into a small dish of soy for a toyomansi dipping sauce, I've found that the majority of the Kalamansi I pick usually ends up in a cocktail glass to sate my inherited thirst for blurred vision and hiccups.

A Pair of Pandan Cocktails

Call me old-fashioned (or a drunk), but I'm usually a "beers during the week, cocktails on the weekend" kind of guy. But with all the doom and gloom being reported in the news lately (e.g. economic recession, food shortages AND escalating beer prices) I've taken to the hard stuff on a more regular basis to help me cope (and to help stretch out my own personal beer supply).

I do realize that spending more money on liquor does absolutely nothing in terms of battling the world's enviro-socio-economic-oh-oh-oh ills. But I take solace in the fact that while I don't have all the answers, I can at least forget some of the problems via a cocktail or two. At least that's what I tell the wife after she gives me the stink-eye for bringing home a bottle of Rye Whiskey instead of paper towels, eggs, and milk. Groceries, shmoceries I say!

Anyhoo, while I mostly tinker with old-timey classic cocktails like the Old-Fashioned, the Sazerac, or the Martini, I do enjoy incorporating Asian ingredients into my tipple from time to time. You do remember my Kalamansi Infused Vodka experiment don't you?

And since I've been throwing somewhat of a Pandan Party with my last couple posts (here and here), I figured it was as good a time as any to further experiment with some libations. After all, it ain't a party without a couple of cocktails, right?

Pear-Shaped?

Appearances are often deceiving.

Take the Asian Pear for instance, which, at first glance, can easily be mistaken for an apple. Asian Pears are stout and round like apples, and lack the curvy bottoms of their sisters Bosc, Bartlett, or Anjou pears.

(It's kinda like how Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes are both ninjas. You can immediately tell that Storm Shadow is a ninja because he looks like a ninja. But when you first take a gander at Snake Eyes, he can easily be mistaken for a welder. Or an S&M enthusiast. Or both. But in fact, Snake Eyes is indeed a ninja. A mute ninja armed with hand grenades. And a dog. But a ninja nonetheless.)

And despite being shaped more like Ina Garten than Rachael Ray, Asian Pears are pears nonetheless. Aside from shape, Asian Pears are also different in that they are often more firm, crisp, and juicy than other pear varietals. As such, I thought that Asian Pears would be a great vehicle for poaching since their inherent firmness would make them less likely to disintegrate into a mushy peary pulp after a long simmer in pandan-perfumed liquid.

Yup. Pandan-Poached Asian Pears.

It has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

One for Me, and One for My Homies

Every now and then I'm left to fend for myself at home whilst my wife goes out gallivanting with her girlfriends.

I miss my wife dearly on such occasions, I really do. But as soon as she's out the door I start whoopin' and hollerin' as I revel in the chance to revert back to bachelordom, if only for a few precious hours.

Although I can, and probably should use this time alone for more noble and productive activities like putting up some shelves in the garage, doing the laundry, or showering, more times than not I just end up drinking copious amounts of beer. Well, more copious than usual.

My wife's most recent excursion couldn't have come at a better time as I've just discovered malt liquor from the Philippines.

Malt liquor! From the Philippines!

Now I've had my fair share of San Migs in my lifetime as that beer is fairly easy to find in any supermarket here in SoCal. But I've never had the pleasure of Red Horse Malt Liquor before. And I use the term "pleasure" loosely here--Red Horse isn't exactly great beer, but it hits the spot when you have absolutely nothing to do and few other beer options in the fridge (how's that for a ringing endorsement?).

I'm not exactly a connoisseur of malt liquor, but I'd be lying if I said my lips have never touched the welcoming wide mouth of a Mickey's 40, or if I said my fingers have never caressed a slender Colt 45 tall boy. (Wow, that last sentence could use some heavy-duty masculine editing. Eh, I'll leave it be.)

Anyhoo, unlike the 40 of Mickey's or the Colt 45 tall can, the Red Horse I found at a local Filipino market came in the form of a 6-pack. A sixer of malt liquor isn't something I see everyday, but then again it's not often that I'm shopping for malt liquor. And it's probably a good thing that I hadn't discovered Red Horse until recently. If Red Horse were around while I were in college, I'd probably be writing this post with black crayon on a piece of cardboard from beneath the comfortable confines of a freeway overpass--or at the very least still living with my parents and having to split my sixer of Red Horse with my dad.

Filipino Wine, Filipino Food

For home consumption, I very rarely purchase bottles of wine for over $10. Rarer still are my purchases of wine for over $20. And when I'm at a nice restaurant, I use my ol' standby for ordering wine: I tap my chin with my forefinger, cock an eyebrow skyward, then order the cheapest bottle on the wine list (it's a classy move).

As I've mentioned many times in this space before, I prefer my brain cells to die by way of fermented grains rather than fermented grapes--I would much rather spend my money on good beer than iffy wine.

It's not that I don't like wine, or don't enjoy wine. It's just that, honestly, besides the generalities, I don't know anything about wine. And when indulging in Filipino food, I instinctively clear my gullet by reaching for the nearest cold beer--be it a San Mig or one of my favorite microbrews.

With all that said, I had to put my predilection for cheap wine aside after discovering a particularly intriguing winery--a winery that promotes the pairing of Filipino food with wine.

Yes, you read that right.

Wine pairing with Filipino food.

It's a concept that many of us, myself included, have never even considered. But it's a concept that perhaps more Filipinos should start experimenting with. Although our cuisine has historically been enjoyed with beer, Filipino food is equally delicious when paired with wine.

Kalamansi Infused Vodka

Don't get all excited folks. Yes, those are kalamansi limes you see in the picture above. But no, they are not from my kalamansi tree Kaladocious Kalamansi IV. Kal didn't exactly come through for me this year. He's a failure. Kal's fruit only got as big as the "O" on your keyboard. Go ahead and look down at your keys, I'll still be here when you look back up at your screen.

Tiny right? As soon as Kal's kalamansi got that big, they just up and died. I don't know what went wrong, but maybe Kal needs another year of maturity before he starts producing actual fruit, or maybe the neighbor's cat peed on him one too many times. Poor bastard (Kal, not the cat).

Anyways, ever since I got Kal, I've had all these Kalamansi ideas floating around in my head and I didn't want them all to go by the wayside just because Kal sucks at his job. So last time I was at my parents' house, I went into their backyard and filled a couple of plastic bags full of kalamansi from my mom's tree (I'm hoping jealousy is a motivator for Kal).

Seeing that I love Filipino ingredients and booze, I decided to combine both of these things for my first Kalamansi recipe: Kalamansi Infused Vodka.