How to Torture Eggplant OR How to Make Tortang Talong

I don't eat many vegetables. So, by default, I sure as heck don't eat much eggplant. Of course, dishes like Eggplant Parmesan may prove tantalizing to some, but I find such preparations do more to hide, rather than enhance, eggplant's true nutty and smoky flavors.

Luckily, the Filipino dish known as Tortang Talong indeed takes advantage of the purple nightshade's flavors and textures--and it's a dish that I happen to love.

Tortang Talong can be roughly translated to mean "Tortured Eggplant" (that isn't actually true, but it sounds cool don't it?). In fact, whenever an innocent eggplant falls into my clutches, I like to go medieval on its proverbial ass. That's right. Nothing brings the best out of eggplant better than good ol' ridicule, humiliation, and physical abuse. Step into my culinary dungeon, won't ye?

To make Tortang Talong, I begin with an everyday, mild-mannered eggplant. Then, after laughing maniacally in it's face, I dunk the eggplant's stem end, or head, into some water for about 10 minutes--or up to 30 minutes if I'm feeling especially deranged that day. Soaking the eggplant's stem in water will keep the stem from burning off in the next tortuous step--burnin' its skin somethin' terrible!

There are a variety of ways in which to char and burn an eggplant. You can use a blowtorch, or you can stick the eggplant directly under the broiler. But I like to place the eggplant across the grates of a hot grill--just long enough so that the eggplant's purple hue turns into a hellish black, and its insides become soft, but not quite mushy.

Charred, I'm sure.

While grilling an eggplant leads to the utmost in smokiness, placing eggplant directly on a stove burner and turning with tongs can be just as satisfying. The stovetop method works especially well for smaller eggplants such as the Indian variety. Again, you only want to place an eggplant on the stove burner just long enough so that the skin chars, and the insides soften a bit.

Sadly, "Baba Ganoush" was not the correct safe word
 for these lil' eggplants.

After the skin has been properly charred on the eggplant, set the poor soul aside for a few minutes. This rest period is essential for the eggplant to plan his escape and avoid further punishment. Alas, this is only a ploy for false hope. Really, the rest period is for the sole purpose of allowing the eggplant to cool to the touch--so that you can then rip it's skin off! Mwahahaha!

Go ahead, skin it!
 Skin that smokewagon and see what happens!

Once the burned skin is picked from the eggplant's steaming carcass, the eggplant must then be mooshed and flattened. When mooshing and flattening helpless objects, I usually turn to a baseball bat studded with rusty nails, or even a sweet pair of nunchucks. But in this particular case, a fork works pretty well.

Forked.

Although flattening the flesh of the eggplant can be quite fun, do resist the urge to poke any holes in the eggplant. Simply flattening the eggplant to about a quarter-inch would be optimal.

By now, the eggplant's spirits have surely been broken--what with all the burning and the smashing. But to make sure, use his head as a handle, pick him up, and then dunk his smooshed body into an egg bath of shame.

Eggcellent! Mwahahahaha!

Next, remove the eggplant from its egg bath of shame, then spread a thin layer of ground meat atop the eggplant. Tortang Talong usually calls for ground pork, but ground beef or turkey would be fine as well. I happened to use Mexican Chorizo that I cooked with some onions and garlic for my Tortang Talong. Why Mexican Chorizo? Because it was all I had in my culinary dungeon at the time. That, and because it's effing delicious.

Tarred and feathered Egged and Chorizo'd.

Once properly battered (Ha! Battered! Get it?!), throw the eggplant into a hot frying pan slicked with a thin film of oil. Fry the first side of the eggplant for a few minutes, until the egg has set, then carefully flip onto the meat side and fry for another few minutes.

Into the frying pan.

Finally, the time has arrived for the eggplant's comeuppance! Comeuppance I say! While many Filipinos enjoy their Tortang Talong with ketchup, I feel that the spicy bite of Sriracha adds insult to injury.

Tortured Eggplant = Tasty Eggplant.

Because of the grilling, the nuttiness and smokiness of the eggplant is intensified--and along with the smoky and spicy chorizo, the whole dish works wonderfully well. I chose not to utilize any soy, patis, salt, or pepper because the Mexican Chrorizo was already full of flavor--but if using plain ground meat, do be sure to season to taste.

Of course, you can completely omit the meat in this dish for a vegetarian version. Just dip the smooshed eggplant in egg, and fry. I usually omit the meat when I make Tortang Talong from small Indian eggplant.

How cute! Mini Tortang Talong!

Simply serve the Tortang Talong with some steamed white rice and enjoy.

Truth be told, the word "Talong" translates to "eggplant," and the word "Tortang" may actually be derived from the Spanish word "Torta," or omellete. So Tortang Talong really is just a Filipino eggplant omelette of sorts.

Despite the true meaning of this dish, I still like to call it "Tortured Eggplant" because that poor purple fella goes through a lot before ultimately finding his final resting place in my belly. FREEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMM!

In other news...

I'm not sure how or why this happened, but I've been nominated for "Most Humorous Blog" in the upcoming Foodbuzz Blog Awards. Apparently, there are a few readers out there that find humor in my, uh, sense of humor. I'm greatly flattered by this as I often feel I'm more annoying than humorous, so thanks to those of you who nominated me--whoever you are.

If you happen to be someone that actually finds my blog "Most Humorous," then by all means, CLICK HERE AND VOTE FOR ME!

Now, onto the recipe:

Tortang Talong (Filipino Eggplant Omelette)

Serves 2

2 eggplant (the long and slender Japanese or Filipino variety), each 8-10 inches long
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil, divided
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 pound Mexican chorizo sausage, removed from casing
2 eggs, beaten

(Optional) Soak the stems of the eggplants in water for 10-15 minutes (I like to turn the eggplants upside down in a measuring cup of water). Soaking the stems prevents them from burning off. You need the stems to stay intact so that you can use them to handle the eggplant.

Place the eggplants on a hot grill over direct heat. Grill for 3-5 minutes, then turn with tongs and grill for another 3-5 minutes, until the skin of the eggplant is blackened and charred. The inside of the eggplant should be soft, but still able to hold its shape. Remove the eggplant from the grill and set aside to cool.

Meanwhile, heat 1 tablespoon of the vegetable oil in a frying pan over high heat. Add the onions and garlic to the pan, and cook for 1-2 minutes, until the onions become translucent. Add the chorizo to the pan, and stir together with the onions and garlic. Continue stirring until chorizo is cooked through, 3-5 minutes. Remove the chorizo mixture from the pan and set aside on a plate to cool.

Peel the blackened skin from the cooled eggplant, leaving the stem intact. Using a fork, flatten the eggplant until it is about 1/4-inch thick. Place the beaten eggs into a large shallow dish. Dip each of the peeled and flattened eggplants into the eggs, making sure the eggplants are coated well on both sides, then place the eggplants on a separate platter.

Take any remaining beaten eggs and add to the chorizo mixture. Stir to combine. Spread equal amounts of the chorizo mixture into a thin layer on each of the eggplants.

Heat the remaining tablespoon of oil in a fry pan over medium-high heat. Carefully place the eggplants into the pan and fry 2-3 minutes per side. Remove eggplant from pan and serve immediately with steamed rice.

Burned, flattened, battered, and fried.
 Tasty, tasty torture.

Comments

[Tangled Noodle]

It takes some mad torture skillz to make me crave tortang talong but you've got it in spades! Love the use of chorizo - I wouldn't leave it out, no matter how small the victim, er, vegetable.

Congratulations on your Foodbuzz nomination! You've got my vote - but first, I need to go beat up some hapless eggplant.

[Dione]

Oh DANG! Tortang Talong with Chorizo?! My mom always only made it with just eggs! And you can use the other varieties besides the long ones?! I'm inspired!

[Gracie]

I haven't made this in awhile. I'll have to try your way! Thx!

[Janice]

Looks good, I always make this for brunch.

[TheWoman]

Great post! Your descriptive and evil ways with the eggplant brought a grin to my face. Oh and of course the end result looks yummy too. In a purely non-evil way of course... Mwuahahahahahah!

[Account Deleted]

I have to confess I don't really enjoy tortang talong (torture? oh, Marvin...), but the mere mention of the word chorizo has got me craving your talong. kidding (huh, I wonder if that's dirty even to Fil-Americans.)

[robflux]

Your use of chorizo brought out a good idea... How about using longanisa browned out of the casing for this?? I think I have to try that!!

[Jikuu]

This looks really good. I think my grandmother takes off the stem and uses ground beef, if what I've eaten is what this is. She never tells me what stuff is, just puts it in front of me. ^^;
I am interested in trying this, though, since there aren't a lot of eggplant dishes that sing the praises of the eggplant. Do you have any alternatives for the grilling step? I guess for me, it seems like a lot to use the grill than go to the kitchen. In Florida, I don't consider it good grilling time until maybe late November when we finally start getting cold fronts. Thanks!

[_ts of [eatingclub] vancouver]

Oh, we've made torta as an egg-ground pork thing, and we've had tortang talong as egg'ed eggplant, but we've never had tortang talong with meat on them before! We just had them plain, with patis on the side.

Congrats on the Foodbuzz nomination!

[Lorena]

Yes, you are funny, Marvin. And I did stand-up and improv comedy for a little while. So, consider me an *authority* on humor. Or not. :P I'll see if I can get through the Foodbuzz survey so I can vote for you...Maybe I should fuel up first 'cuz it looks like a looooong survey.

Anyway, this looks tasty and I'm happy to see a vegetarian version! But, I'll definitely be using chorizo, albeit a soy-based one (soyrizo is tasty, if a bit oddly named) to spice it up. Yum!

[Dea]

Wow! I didn't realize the recipe was so easy! I tried making this a little while ago. I just dunked a smashed raw eggplant in egg, hoping that frying it would cook the whole thing. Needless to say, it didn't turn out so well. I'll be sure to try out your way this time! =)

[caninecologne]

hi marvin
tortang talong is one of my faves - but only my dad makes that dish the way i like it.

10 years ago, my in-laws had broiled eggplant in their toaster oven. maybe they broiled it in there or it was just there because they were saving it for later...in any case, i remember looking into the toaster oven and freaking out because i thought the broiled eggplant was a dead bird. it was blackened so i thought the part near the stem and the stem was a bird's head and beak. ewww. but it was only eggplant.

btw, i voted for your blog! i hope you win!

[rolfe]

wow this is great :D Its just like how my mom makes it except for adding the meat. I will try that out next time I make this dish. The worst thing is peeling it tho. That is not fun :P

[Bong]

Great idea on this chorizo variation! I'm gonna' have to try it out! Congrats on your nomination! Truly well deserved!!!

[Keri]

Hello Burnt Lumpia. I'm back to say hello and see what's cooking. I love your page. It makes me hungry but brave in the kitchen. Just writing to tell you I've nominated you to win a Kreativ Blogger award. There's some participation involved so if you don't have time, don't worry about it. See details at www.samwich365.com 10/14 post. Aloha. Keri

[wasabi prime]

Congrats on the FoodBuzz nomination! And this post looks amazing. I need to do more with eggplant and this is a great inspiration!

[vivian]

my torta is in the oven right now (i decided to do more of a frittata type thing) but i think you should warn people that if they do the eggplant under the broiler, one should prick holes in the eggplant in case it decides to, i dunno, explode. in your oven. i guess i had an especially moist eggplant.

[Labs]

Chorizo? I've got some longanisa in the freezer. Wonder if that would work.

I had this for dinner at my mom's house last night! I thought I was the only one who put ketchup on it. Great to know that almost every Filipino does it!

[Deborah Dowd]

This looks and sounds amazing! And I can see why your humor is being recognized! Your account was actually fun to read!

[joey]

Tortang talong is one of my favorite Filipino dishes, although I like mine plain with only egg and no meat :) And yes, as is typical I love it with ketchup! But sriracha sounds great!

[Hazel]

haha, i didn't know 'tortang' meant 'torture' XDD makes a lot of sense though haha! your recipe looks great, i never tried it with chorizo before but i should definitely try that next time! but as for my tortang talong, i love it with a vinegar-garlic dip!! 8DD

[[email protected]]

(Gasp in horror) You, sick, sick, eggplant-killing blogger.

Actually, if I was there I would have joined you in torturing the poor thing. Mwahaha ...

Not much of an eggplant fan, but this method of cooking makes it looks so tempting. Must try.

Keep up the good work, Marvin. My vote is cast. Best of luck!

[Burnt Lumpia]

Thanks for the vote Tangled Noodle! And yes, I do have some crazy torture skillz!

My mom also made it with just eggs, Dione. But I've seen other recipes that used ground pork, so I figured chorizo would be good.

Thanks Gracie.

Thanks Janice. Tortang talong is a great idea for brunch.

I'm glad you approve of my evil ways, Woman;)

I'm sure it's dirty to everyone, Manggy;)

Awesome idea, robflux! Longanisa would be great!

Hi Jikuu. You don't have to grill the eggplant. You can broil it, or turn it right on the burner of your stove.

Thanks TS! Definitely give the meat version a try, it's more filling!

Stand-up and improv, Lorena? Awesome! And it's not a survey, that's the actual voting form. I'm glad an authority like you does find me funny though.

It's definitely easy, Dea. And the grilling adds a nice smokiness, do add that step.

Yikes, caninecologne! That is a disturbing eggplant/dead bird story. I'm glad it didn't scar you for life. And thanks for your vote!

Hi rolfe. Peeling the eggplant isn't that difficult if you've charred it's skin.

Thanks very much, Bong.

Thanks for the nomination, Keri. I'll check it out.

Thanks wasabi prime. Glad I can provide a little inspiration for you.

Thanks for the tip vivian. I've never had it explode in the broiler before, so I've never pricked holes in it. But that's a good tip to do just in case.

Hi Labs. Yes, longanisa would work. And yes, ketchup is normal for tortang talong;)

Thanks Deborah.

I like it with just egg too, joey. But I do love the addition of meat!

Vinegar and garlic dip sounds great with tortang talong. Thanks Hazel.

Thanks for the vote Leela!

[Pat]

I love your step-by-step on how to make this and the "graphic" pictures! A friend was trying to explain to me how to make it but I couldn't get it right!

[Patrick]

"egg bath of shame" - LOL!!! Great post.

[rey]

hi love your blog,just happened to see it while going to rasa malaysia web.i've been in u.s.ince 1966.retired fr. the navy in 1986 and started cooking first with italian dishes,mexican since i live in san diego area,chinese and now malaysian and vietnamese food got all my recipes fr. the internet.i'm proud that we now have a filipino blog post.keep up the good work.oh by the way torta in mexico is a sandwich.

[Dragana]

This must taste amazing! I loved laughing during my read of your post and will come back. Keep up the good humor!

[ela]

i dont add meat with my tortang talong. plain eggplant will do for me. plus fired rice and fried tuyo dipped in vinegar! yum yum yum
http://everythingsherbed.blogspot.com/2008/09/breakfast-tortang-talong.html

[Zeenath A. Rahim]

Your humour and easy wit adds a tantalising element to the recipes, making them even more memorable. You have literary and culinary skills a unique combination.

[Nikki]

super loving the captions! "Charred, I'm sure!" hi-larious!